What a busy day! We were up at the crack of 9:00am to feed Jakob and load up the car as we had his pediatrician appointment for his 2 month vaccinations (even though it’s a bit early).

I’m proud to say he handled the shots like a trouper! A quick cry, almost as if to say “what the hell?” and by the time I had him re-dressed he was laughing again. I’m so proud of my big boy! Besides the shots he was found perfectly healthy, he grew 3 inches longer since birth (up to 23.5″) and gained some more weight to a nice, healthy 11 lbs.

After that appointment we spent the day doing something we had been meaning to do for the last year! We had received some duplicate items from our wedding registry, and a few items that weren’t exactly to our taste. We FINALLY went through everything and brought the items back to the store to exchange them for items we will use. It was so much fun! It was a bit awkward when Jakob got hungry, but the department store had an extra-large changing room with a bench so I was able to feed him in privacy. Then we spent the afternoon shopping with the store credit that we’d amassed. It was great, and we got a bunch of items that we will use often. I love them all, but I’m a bit biased towards the steamer we picked up- because it will be great for blocking! 🙂
After that long day we weren’t in the mood to cook so we went over to my parents’ place and had dinner with them. Now we’re home and I’m going to try feeding Jakob at 11:00 instead of midnight and seeing how long he sleeps afterwards. Wish me luck!

p.s. to the Sharon who found me through the baby blog…thanks for your comments! I can’t reply directly so I’m putting it here. 🙂

p.p.s. I haven’t uploaded the camera lately so these are some of my favorite shots from the last few weeks.

…after the bris everything seemed to be back to normal, but better. Instead of being forced to wake up to eat every three hours, Jakob had started waking up on his own. It was like clockwork- 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12am, 6am, 9am, etc… every three hours we’d do the whole schedule.

The nurse Isabelle called on the following Monday (May 28) and when she heard how it was going, and heard him cry (more lusty and loud then his earlier, weaker cries) she said I could stop the routine and start feeding him on demand. That meant I could even stop pumping and supplementing, and see how it went just feeding when he wanted. I was so relieved! Even more so the next day when we went to the CLSC and he was up to 7lbs 9 oz, up 5 oz from his last weigh-in 5 days previous!

At that point things started going smoother, baby-wise. It was still demanding and tough, but now that I didn’t have the extra stuff to do, I could get some sleep in between his feedings. I was still feeling a lot of pressure about our impending move since we had a moving company coming on June 11th and that was only a week and a bit away and the house wasn’t packed yet, but my family really pitched in and helped out. I really owe the smoothness of the move to their help!

I don’t remember much about those next few weeks except a daily blur of repetition. Most days I’d get a lift over to my parents’ house (I wasn’t allowed to drive yet, had to wait 4 weeks after the c-section) because it had more light than sitting in my dark, box-filled living room. Plus there were people there to help me out most of the time, even if it was just because they wanted to hold him, it let me get a few minutes of rest with my arms free. (It didn’t last long LOL I’m typing this with him slung over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes!) I’d started off going there one afternoon when my house lost power and it was really dark, and it got to be a habit. I’d stay there until after supper then someone would drive us home and then each night various family members would come over and pack. Yannick wasn’t around at all because he’d work all day, then go to the new house and work on renovations all night. He’d come home around midnight or 1am, visit with us for a bit then go to bed himself.

During Jakob’s fifth week 2 great things happened. First of all, I was now able to start driving again. Our first trip out was on Wednesday, June 20. I took him to the bank to get his own account, then to my parents’ place, then finally to my friend Jackie’s house to visit. The first few minutes were scary because I felt this huge weight of responsibility, but by the time I reached the third corner it had passed and we’ve driven around ever since with ease.

The second great thing was that Jakob started his closest interpretation of sleeping through the night. The first time it happened, I fed him at 12am then put him down to sleep in between Yannick and I as usual. (Now that we’re in the new house we swapped our waterbed for a real bed and Jakob sleeps between us ‘cus it’s easier for the late-night feeds. Once he does a 7 hour stretch or longer through the night I’ll be putting him into his crib overnight). Anyways, I woke up at 5:30am, looked over at his sweet, sleeping face, then looked at the clock and freaked out. He’d only fallen asleep around 1:15am, but it was still the longest stretch of sleep we’ve had since the minute he’d been born. I fed him until 6:00 and then we slept again until 9am- it was amazing. I felt so well rested the next day! The following night it happened again, only he slept until 6am. I woke up at 6:00 on my own and looked at the clock before looking at him. This time I went into a panic- why didn’t he wake up? Is he ok? Is he breathing? Every story I’ve ever heard about SIDS went through my head. I looked over at him- looked so peaceful but I couldn’t resist putting my hand on his chest to make sure he was breathing.

Ever since that first night now on average he feeds between 11:30 and 12:30 (which can take up to 45 minutes) then sleeps until anywhere between 5:00 and 6:00 am. Then he feeds again and sleeps until anywhere from 8:30 to 9:30 am. On a good day we’ll go back to sleep again until noon-ish but that doesn’t usually happen.

I have to say to anyone who reads this and is about to be a parent or is a new parent and is freaking out about the sleep deprivation- you WILL feel human again! As soon as we started this new sleep routine I have actually been able to do stuff and have not napped a single time during the day. I feel so well rested now! I have actually had the energy to take him out almost every single day on errands and not crash and burn.

…let’s see how much typing I can get done.

So I think I caught up my hospital stay, right? Jakob was born on Thursday and I left the hospital on Sunday afternoon. It was a long weekend so I knew I’d have Yannick and my parents around on the Monday to help out, and it turned out to be a great thing they were all available, as the week didn’t start off so well.

On Monday Isabelle, a baby nurse from my local CLSC came by to take a look at Jakob and to take out my surgery staples. I’m not sure how it is in other provinces and in the rest of the world, but here in Quebec a nurse comes to visit you a day or two after you leave the hospital with your baby. You don’t need to make an appointment or anything, it is all arranged by the hospital for you. Anyways, Isabelle came by and weighed Jakob and saw that he had lost more weight. All babies lose weight after birth (mostly water) and up to under 10% is an acceptable amount. Jakob had been born at 8.0 lbs and when weighed each night at the hospital, he went down first to 7 lbs 12 oz, then to 7 lbs 7 oz, then to 7 lbs 3 oz.. Now that the nurse was weighing him at our house he was down to 7 lbs 2 oz, which was around 11% of his body weight lost.

Isabelle made it clear that this was not good. In fact, she also informed us that he was jaundiced, something no one at the hospital ever told us. Up to that point we’d thought it was normal that he was very sleepy and difficult to wake for feedings, but it turns out that the more weight he lost, the bigger an effort it took to stay awake, so he had no energy left to feed, which led to more weight loss…it was a very hard time. The only way to flush the jaundice from him was to make him drink since it leaves the body in his waste, but he was too tired to drink. If the jaundice got worse than we’d have to bring him back to the hospital to stay under the lights and I’d have to leave my newborn. Needless to say I was very shaken and upset.

She told us that we had to follow a strict regimine until his weight was back up:

-I had to strip him down to his diaper before each feed so that he’d get cold and wake up.

-then I had to get him to do a good drink (swallowing, not just sucking) for 15-20 minutes on one side

-then burp him and change his diaper to wake him back up

-then get him to drink the same way on the other side

-once that was done I had to feed him a 1 oz supplement of pumped breast milk or formula

-then pump for 20 minutes to boost milk production

This whole process had to be repeated every 3 hours. I didn’t have a pump yet so Yannick had to run out and buy one, and also a can of prepared formula to have something to give Jakob for the first few feeds until I had a chance to sterilize the breast pump. Only our first day home and my biggest desire to NOT give our son formula was ruined. On top of that, he was SO sleepy that getting him to drink for 15 minutes sometimes took over 30. And he burped well, even after 10 minutes he still could have resisted burping. That meant the whole strip-feed-burp-change-feed-supplement-pump routine could (and often did) take almost 2 hours. The “repeat every 3 hours” starts from when the last feed BEGAN, so if I started feeding him at 9am and only finished at 11am I still had to start back over at 12pm, next feed at 3pm, and so on. This went on around the clock. I was so utterly exhausted because anything I did in that brief hour or so between feeds, whether eating, taking calls or even going to the bathroom, everything took away from sleep. I couldn’t figure out how mothers left the house with their babies when I couldn’t even think about sleep without wanting to cry.

Isabelle had given us a syringe with a wide mouth to administer the 1 oz supplement, and at the pharmacy Yannick had asked for a small cup to have another option. Both options worked when I had someone with me to hold Jakob or at least hold his arms out of the way, but neither one worked well when I was alone with him throughout the night. So by the second day we were home I had to scrap another strong conviction- to not give him bottles. I was so tired and desperate that I caved and used bottles to give him the supplement

The whole time I kept wondering if I would suffer for it in the end, if it would screw up his latch, all the stuff they warn you about during prenatal classes when they try to drill in the importance of all breastfeeding, all the time, for the first six months at least. They really hammer it home- no bottles, no pacifiers, no formula. And Yannick and I had such convictions that we would be able to do it.

Isabelle had come by the following morning (Tuesday) and weighed Jakob again and he was up an ounce, so our efforts were working. I was elated- until that afternoon when he seemed weaker than ever. Most feeds were an effort; he’d fall asleep so often while feeding that I had to constantly stroke his cheek, tap under his jaw, dab him with a cool compress, etc, to provoke him to wake up and keep sucking. Tuesday afternoon he was so sleepy that we were practically dipping him into a bowl of ice water and I couldn’t get him to wake up to drink. He slept through an entire feed and all I could think about was how much weight he’d lose and would we have to bring him back to the hospital. It was a lot of pressure for a situation that wasn’t completely in my control and it was a very hard time.

Even though he’d gained an ounce we weren’t out of the woods yet. We were asked to bring Jakob to the CLSC on Thursday to have him weighed again. Every Tuesday and Thursday the CLSC has a free clinic where you can get breastfeeding advice from a lactation consultant, weigh your baby, see a nurse, and chat/socialize with other mothers. We agreed to bring him then asked our important question: was he healthy enough for his bris which was scheduled for Friday morning? (The Jewish circumsision ceremony is usually done on the 8th day which would have been Thursday but it was a high holiday and because I’d had a c-section it was required to go to the Friday). She couldn’t tell us if he would be strong enough, it would all depend on his weight.

Thursday we took him out for the first time. Yannick took time off work and we brought him to the CLSC. Now he was up to 7 lbs 4 oz. It had taken him 2 days, but at least he’d put on some weight.

I was really scared for how the bris would knock him out though. A trauma like that would knock out any infant, but Jakob already had so little strength and I was afraid that any progress we’d made would be set back. Friday morning I gave him some baby Advil on the moyel’s advice (the rabbi who does the ceremony) and we went to the synagogue for the bris.

I’m happy to say he did really well. He cried for a split second when the moyel took off his diaper and he was exposed to the cold, and that was it. He did poo during the ceremony though, which will be a story we’ll love to tell his future dates. 🙂 We didn’t allow anyone to hold him during the brunch afterwards, as we wanted him to rest and recoup his strength.

Afterwards we went home and spent the weekend cocooning in our 3 hour routine. It was exhausting and frustrating and I cried and screamed more than I would like to admit, but we made it through our first week.

Next post: week two.